ものの核心にふれることは容易ではありません。

I'm supposed to be studying tonight, have my Spanish exam tomorrow, but somehow I can't think of anything else other than him. My relationship just ended about a week ago, but my heart seems to have waver for another. I wish, this is just an infatuation that will not last.

I have known this guy for over a year now. I knew him through a very unconventional way. About a year ago, a guy on my MSN had a conference chat with almost everyone in his list. I only said hi and left, it was such an uncomfortable atmosphere having heaps of gay guys in one chat room. Funny enough, a guy apparently had an interest on me and he enquire things about me to this person who opened the conference chat. He was a very reluctant boy, I didn't even get his picture until much later from fridae. Until now, I never properly met him, other than him winking at me during exam period. And oh boy.. He is one gorgeous hot guy.. I still can't believe I manage to flirt with him and chat with him.

I had my fair share of dislike towards him, I even had a time where I actually like someone else. I don't know how but our message archive has balloon to MB worths of logs. He's the number one person in my MSN, in terms of chat logs size. Last night though, he somehow made me a very happy boy. I was like in cloud nine, I started to like him. My heart is still racing when I remember him. He's very very sweet and distant at the same time. He is challenging, yet accept me for who I am. He's one of a few person who treat my childish behavior as a cute aspect of mine.

"Everytime we chat, I feel ecstatic, everytime he tease me, I swear I could fly, and everytime he flirts, I feel like I could reach the sky."

On my way to bed last night, I saw my ex.. Sleeping soundly as if nothing has happened between us. I was ridden with guilt and pity. He was the love of my life, we shared years of history, but I slept dreaming of another boy next to me.